FIRST TIME TO THE KOTEL
I am sure everyone gets a completely different feeling when they first visit the Kotel, and then each time following, but let me know if you can relate...
I first viewed "the Wailing Wall" from high above ground, from atop the Old City stone leading down to the main landing. I drew my breath in so fast... it was a sight to behold. So this was where so many Jews gathered... to sing, dance, weep and attempt to become closer to the Creator. With trepidation, I inched closer and closer to the Wall, jaw slightly dropped and eyes wide in wonderment. I had not previously conjoured up any image of what I would actually see or what spirit would fill me at the moment I arrived. I continued to glide toward the Wall until I was stroking the aged brick. I pressed my foreead to it, breathed in deepy the fresh scent of tears and prayer, and then pressed my lips to the stone. I allowed my emotions to overtake me, overwhelming me with the empowerment of revealed G-dliness.
Standing there, I felt overwhelming opposing emotions. On the one hand, I felt unified, praying alongside hundreds of Jews, in the holiest place in the universe, with G-d evermore-present. Yet on the other hand, I felt so minute, so small. Who was I? What was I doing, pouring my heart out to G-d? My prayers seemed senseless while standing next to women tearing out their hair and slapping the wall with the ferver of their cries. There I stood, so insignificant, yet an important part of a whole.
The sudden realization of my utter impurity brought me swiftly to tears. How could such a horrid person expect retribution? And to be gracing G-d with my presence, here? It felt so wrong.
After once again pressing my lips to the aging brick, and slowly backing away from the Wall, I felt a huge weight lifted from my heart. Perhaps this is what I had needed. To feel pure once more.
I first viewed "the Wailing Wall" from high above ground, from atop the Old City stone leading down to the main landing. I drew my breath in so fast... it was a sight to behold. So this was where so many Jews gathered... to sing, dance, weep and attempt to become closer to the Creator. With trepidation, I inched closer and closer to the Wall, jaw slightly dropped and eyes wide in wonderment. I had not previously conjoured up any image of what I would actually see or what spirit would fill me at the moment I arrived. I continued to glide toward the Wall until I was stroking the aged brick. I pressed my foreead to it, breathed in deepy the fresh scent of tears and prayer, and then pressed my lips to the stone. I allowed my emotions to overtake me, overwhelming me with the empowerment of revealed G-dliness.
Standing there, I felt overwhelming opposing emotions. On the one hand, I felt unified, praying alongside hundreds of Jews, in the holiest place in the universe, with G-d evermore-present. Yet on the other hand, I felt so minute, so small. Who was I? What was I doing, pouring my heart out to G-d? My prayers seemed senseless while standing next to women tearing out their hair and slapping the wall with the ferver of their cries. There I stood, so insignificant, yet an important part of a whole.
The sudden realization of my utter impurity brought me swiftly to tears. How could such a horrid person expect retribution? And to be gracing G-d with my presence, here? It felt so wrong.
After once again pressing my lips to the aging brick, and slowly backing away from the Wall, I felt a huge weight lifted from my heart. Perhaps this is what I had needed. To feel pure once more.
posted by yoniqua at 2:42 PM
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